Why ‘Community’ Fails: Everyone Wants a Village, Nobody Wants to Be a Villager

Description

Many of us lack meaningful community in our lives, either from a complete absence of relationships or simply the sense of disconnection from those around us. In response, a growing number of people attempt to cultivate community based on shared values and interests, which inadvertently reproduces the very labeling that keeps real connection forming. The systemic forces that created this separation are real, but what if the deeper problem is that most of us have never actually learned how to commune with each other in the first place?

In this episode, Nate is joined by Nora Bateson, creator of Warm Data Labs, alongside her colleagues Jonathan Goldsmith and Lucas Jackson, for a rich conversation about what it actually takes to build community and why so many of our attempts fail. Drawing on Nora’s concept of “communing” as the necessary precursor to community, the group explores how genuine human connection is being undermined by algorithmic fragmentation, scripted discourse, and cultures rooted in transaction and individualism. Rather than offering a formula for community-building, they make the case for something older: practices of mutual learning, radical hospitality, and a way of relating to others that breaks us out of the confines of our perceived roles. Together, they argue that the first step to being part of community is letting go of preconceived notions of what you are owed from the people around you, instead taking the first leap of giving more of oneself, and subsequently setting in motion the cycles of trust and generosity that keep a system alive.

What fundamental pieces get lost when communities skip directly to organizing, logistics, and shared objectives? Why do the dark triad traits find less hold in spaces built around curiosity and mutual learning? And how does the act of generosity shift when it comes from a sense of shared aliveness and the knowledge that tending to the broader whole is how we must also tend to ourselves? 

About Nora Bateson

Nora Bateson is a filmmaker, writer, researcher, and educator, and the founder and president of the International Bateson Institute. Her work focuses on the study of complex living systems and the development of “Warm Data” – a methodology for understanding the relational and contextual dimensions of systemic health. She is the author of Small Arcs of Larger Circles, and the creator of the acclaimed documentary An Ecology of Mind, a portrait of her father, systems thinker Gregory Bateson. Nora’s work spans education, ecology, health, organizational change, and community, with the unifying thread of asking how we perceive and tend to the complexity of life together.

About Jonathan Goldsmith

Jonathan Goldsmith is a therapist, facilitator, and educator working at the intersection of systems thinking, relational practice, and community wellbeing. As a core member of the International Bateson Institute team, Jonathan brings the lens of mutual learning and ecological awareness to his work with individuals, groups, and organizations. He is a trained Warm Data host and has facilitated labs internationally.

About Lucas Jackson

Lucas Jackson is an educator, facilitator, and Warm Data host based in Vermont. He found his way to the International Bateson Institute through the Warm Data host training in 2020, and has since woven the practice of Warm Data into his teaching, community work, and relational life. His work centers on learning, perception, and the conditions that allow people to genuinely encounter one another.